Wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man is exactly what I looked like, I just couldn’t get use to the controls. How the Wii may have destroyed my life…
Recently, some good friends of mine stopped over at my humble abode, to play some Wii, and not only did I disappoint my guests but I was ashamed of myself. As an avid gamer and game journalist, it saddens me to confess, I am just not that good at the Wii.
Having grown up on Mario and the other band of character stereotypes, I felt as if I had the hand eye co-ordination thing under control, until the Wii came along and ruined everything. It hadn’t even dawned on me of my Wii inadequacies until playing Steven Spielberg's, yeah I'm a name dropper, Boom Blocks. My lack of whipping motion caused me to come in last in every single mini game.
The progress I was making left me feeling as if I could be beaten by a five year old, or even an eighty five year old. Don’t get me wrong, I have full respect for five year olds, their turkey hand art is phenomenal, and I love the clumps of dusty candy the elderly crowd gives out. I just didn’t want to be beating at video games by either one of them.
The next step was a Wii boot camp. A regimented, army-esc style training. I wanted to be a contender, a champion, a fighter. With my glass o’ eggs, I was ready to become the Mohammed Ali of Wii gaming. After hours of “training,” I still found myself a bit behind, so I knew then this wasn’t going to be an easy task.
Perhaps as the years, or even decades pass, I too will hit the ranks of a Wii champion. But for now, I will awkwardly navigate Mario into enemies and black holes.
